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And he kept pleading with me to lie back down, to go back to sleep.  And I'd say sure, of course, in a minute, and then his eyes would close first, and I'd go back to staring out the window.  My world is changing.  My world is changing and I don't know what to do.  I don't know what's coming next, Ash says I know, but I don't.  Jesus, you'd think I was in love with her, the way my world's falling down now that she's gone.

It's like the jumping off point.  It's like this depression.  Oh boy.  And as soon as I name it, a tidal wave of just… this heavy blackness descends upon me, and I sink back down between the covers.  That's what it is.  Because, honestly, bitching about your boyfriend because he doesn't talk and you don't know how to make him, well, that just isn't enough.  But that PLUS your best friend moving to Australia, well, just open the floodgates, we've got ourselves a freakin' pity party.  Boo hoo, boo hoo for me.  Boo hoo me all over.


Shut up, you little ungrateful bitch.  At least you have someone.  Think of all the times in these very pages that you moaned and groaned and sobbed your eyes out because you didn't have anyone.  Well, now you do and you're still moaning and groaning.  When are you gonna shut up!?  Why can't you just deal with it and be happy!  Come on, you have everything you wanted, you said you said you wanted the most beautiful man in the world.  Boom, there he is asleep next to you.  You have all the ingredients to be happy, so be fucking happy and shut the fuck up!  Because if you can't be happy, then the problem is you.  If the problem is you, then you don't get to be unhappy, because you're stupid if you have all of this and you still can't make it work.  You're an ungrateful bitch and nobody feels sorry for you.  So shut the fuck up. 

Right.  Right?  Was that the answer?  The answer Ash said I knew?