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Now it is and now I don't know.  Ashley says I know what the answers are and I don't.  If she knows I know, then she should tell me what she THINKS I know.  But it's too late now, I guess.

We stop at some seaside restaurant for dinner and watch the sun go down. 

It must be nice to fade into the ocean every single day.  I can't really tear my eyes off the water, even though it's nothing but pitch black out there.  Just the roar of it, the dark of it.  It's hard not to just jump over the rail and throw myself into the mix. And why would you wanna do that?  Because I don't wanna care? 

"I love you," he says. 

 

Man, he's just coming out with line after line after line.  I look at the reassuring eyes and realize what's happening.  I'm playing the part of him now.  He's playing me.  Now he's the one who's talking, trying desperately to get the other person to say something.  How funny.  I've been dying for something like this to happen, so he would know how completely frustrating it is, and here it is happening, finally… and I just don't care.  "I love you too," I say, but it feels like someone else is saying it.  The real me has already jumped over the railing and is out flailing aimlessly in the dark stew of the sea.  The me you're seeing currently is just a placeholder.  A bookmark.  I have no idea if the real me is coming back.

He was kind and gentle in bed.  Of course he was.  I'm not talking, and he's scared.  We're in a room that has an ocean view at the hotel, and I couldn't sleep.  Just sat up in bed and watched the moon and the ocean.  He was all curled up next to me, like a little kid.  He woke up a few times, and reached to brush my hair back.  And I'd look down at him and smile.