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May 9, 2001

The death of every relationship is in one simple sentence:  "What are you thinking?"  Ugh.  It's so trite, but it's so necessary.  What are you thinking?  The answer for every clueless guy out there, is always, always ME.  You're thinking about ME, of course, ha ha ha.  If the girl asks you What Are You Thinking, just say "you" and then vamp away with the first thing you see about her.  "I'm thinking about you.  The way you look in the moonlight," or whatever bullshit.  Honestly, every girl will love you forever.  It's so fucking simple, every guy can do it.  Even him.  I sprung it on him tonight.  Just 'cause.  Just 'cause I'm incredibly loopy in love with him, we had our first fight and I'm STILL in love with him, enough that I'm positive that he would completely be up to this challenge.  Man, I just can't help it.  I mean, this guy is the most beautiful guy I've ever seen.  And he's sleeping in MY BED.  More than ONCE!

  I mean, sometimes I think it's just the biggest extended dream I've ever been in, and I'll wake up tomorrow, single, alone, and with a huge zit on my chin or something.  And if it's true, that he is too good to be true and it turns out there's some skeleton in his closet like he ran over a dog when he was 16, or he secretly likes Seagram's wine coolers or he doesn't talk, well, there's that part of me that wants to burst the bubble as soon as possible.  And so I said it first.  What Are You Thinking?  The death sentence.  I said it first, and it was first motivated by a My God You Are Beautiful feeling, but followed by a If It's Not For Real, Let's Just Get It Over With Now feeling.  What are you thinking?  Are you for real?  Are you for me?  There's someone out there for everyone, right?  I always wondered about that.  I suspect that whoever said that was somebody who hadn't had a date in thirty years, and was just trying to keep her spirits up.  There's someone out there for everyone, right?  Right? What are you thinking?  Hello?  I'm right, right?  There's someone out there for me, right?  This is the one, right?  What are you thinking?