And then the
scene shifts in a blur and suddenly I'm in this weird threeway with one
of the stripper teachers and some guy who I'm giving a lap dance to, and
the teacher is barking orders, no I'm not doing it right, do this, this
and this, okay, now I'm doing it right, and the guy wants to watch us
girls going at it, and then I wake up.
Gee, what does THAT mean? This
is what I have. You know
it's worth something. What
do I have that's worth anything? I'm
a friggin' mess is what I am. What's
a friggin' mess worth?
absolutely nothing, really, because I wake up at 2 in the afternoon and
it's still the steady red death of no messages on the answering machine.
So. I'm suddenly
single. I've made the
executive decision that since he hasn't called, he wants to break up,
and I'm suddenly single. What
to do? Let's go pick
somebody up. Hey, it's only
2:30 in the afternoon. There's
gotta be some kind of candidate over at Venice Beach.
And yet, the
thought of trying to pick someone up, the thought of trying to be with
someone else…shit. I can't do it.
keep seeing his face. Call him. No, don't
call him. It's his
misunderstanding, he's supposed to call.
The thought that maybe he could be wrong is supposed to fester
and fester and pick at him and eat up his insides and HE's supposed to
But he doesn't
call. He does pick up the
phone, finally, at around 7 that night.
Yes I called. I'm an idiot. I
called. I just can't stand
not knowing. I can't stand
the quiet. I can't stand
the silence. No sane person
could. No normal person
could. And yet that doesn't
make me feel any better. I
call him wanting to talk, and yet when he picks up the phone, I still
feel like I lost.
civil and cordial. And yes, he apologizes for not calling, he's sorry, he went
rock climbing with a pal. OH
THAT JUST PISSES ME OFF! See,
HE'S got better things to do. HE'S
not waiting around for a phone call.
He's fucking climbing rocks somewhere!
Oh, I'm so upset. I
feel like slamming the phone against my head, I'm such an idiot.