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Until I see him.  He waited for me.  He said he was gonna go to the library or something.  And he didn't.  And he's looking at me, and it's that searching kind of look.  What happened, what…and that awful split second.  Where I see everything that's on my face reflected back on him.  And his arms open wide.  And he says, "C'mere."

And the sobs come.  I can't stop my eyes from screwing up, my lips from pulling back in that horrible sobbing grin.  I'm trying to say don't, please don't.  Your touch will make it worse…and then I'm in his arms, and I'm truly bawling.

And he ushers me quickly into the car.  He's so smart, he's doing it before anybody from the theater sees.  Not because he's embarrassed by me, but because he knows I'd be embarrassed if anyone saw me.  And I'm still sobbing, those horrible retching hyperventilating sobs, and he pulls me against his chest and sob everything out.  I never really wanted to cry in front of him.  No wait, let me clarify, I didn't want to cry FIRST.

  It's such a stupid girly thing to do, to be the first to cry.  Being the first to cry in a relationship, well, crying in a relationship in general just completely alters things from the get go.  And I didn't want to be the one to cause any sudden detours.  I was still waiting for him to indicate whether we were a couple or not.  And now look.  Anything he says from here, whether we're a couple, whatever feelings he has for me, well it's all gonna extend from the fact that I'm sobbing several new holes in his shirt, isn't it?  And realizing that just makes me cry harder and he just doesn't let go, and all these thoughts are just galloping across my brain and it's just not FAIR.  That part was mine.  He was supposed to be the one to alter the relationship first, and it's my fault.

He holds me tight, and smoothes my hair back and kisses my forehead (get it all out, because it's gonna be covered in stress zits a week from now) and lets me do whatever my crying system demands me to do.