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March 22, 2001

This is so stupid I know.  But I just had to get out of bed and scribble this down.  To watch him sleeping and try to describe everything I'm feeling.  You know what it's like?  It's like all the years of miserable hook-ups and failed three-dates and embarrassing shoot-downs, all of that were just obstacles that I had to endure in order to really be able to appreciate the finish line.  That I can truly see him as not just the finish line, but the rapturous feeling of crossing the finish line, after years and years of running.  

And the thing is, I really don't think this is one sided.  I can tell by the way he looks at me.  And I don't feel pig headed and arrogant in saying.  I can tell by the way he looks at me.  This one is going to…last?  Say it with confidence.  This one is going to last.  How long?  I don't know.  I've never been more in the moment in my life.

 

 I can't think about tomorrow, I can't think about a month from now.  With him in front of me, all I can think about is now.  Every moment I have him in front of me, all I will think about is now.

He's so beautiful.  He sleeps on his stomach, and I love looking at his back.  All the different muscles, his shoulder blades, his waist.  His sleeping face resting on his forearms.  If he wakes up, he'll smile at me.  This perfect sleeping person will look at me and smile.  This one.  This one is mine.