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We eventually take our fooling around down to the futon.  Self conscious as always, I get him to turn off the light.  Of course itís a apartment with no air conditioning, so the windows are open, and you can hear all the drunk people exiting the bar down the street, again, not too good for the self conscious me.

But man, heís good.  I mean, heís just so honestly into you, and youíre just so honestly into him, and itís all about making the other person feel good, and heís making me feel great because heís so gentle and his fingers run through the hair, across my shoulders, and heís kissing me everywhere and Iím thinking to myself thereís just no way that I can possibly be keeping up my end of the bargain.  I canít be making him feel this good.  I keep forgetting to be nice to him, Iím just laying back and enjoying how good it feels.

I mean, Iím just so stunned that it's like this, how long has it been?  What, like six months or so?  How embarrassing to admit that.  Iíve forgotten a lot of things.

  Iíve forgotten that someone could find me attractive.  What a great realization.  Even better, itís a total babe that finds me attractive.

And I know full well in the morning itís done.  Because I want it to be more than one night means one night is all it will be.  Weíre both gonna walk away, and not try to keep it up and Iím not going to go all psycho on him and start calling or driving by his house or anything.  I know this is what it is and nothing more.  But I wish it was.  This was just what my fragile little miserable ego needed.  One night in heaven with a gorgeous man with dark eyes and lightning in the sky.  To think that itís only once, and Iíll most likely have to wait forÖ wellÖ forever before another opportunity comes my way really really sucks.