thinking all this stuff and he hasnít looked at me yet and I know that
when he does, Iím gone, Iím just gone, and itís gonna be so sad.
I didnít come to the party tonight ready to have my heart and
self esteem stomped on one more time.
I just wanted to come and watch other peopleís self esteem get
stomped on. Iím not ready
to be proven a loser once again. Iím not ready to be snubbed, I wasnít putting myself out
there to be snubbed. Iím
not ready, I donít want, please donítÖ
And he looks at me. And
he smiles. And Iím gone.
His name is
Ethan and he says heís a temp. Just
a temp, not a writer, not an actor.
Not an aspiring anything really.
Heís here in L.A. because he thinks that once he figures out
what he wants to do, L.A. is as good of a place as any to do it in.
Grandmother died, left him money, and heís justÖaround.
How absolutely poetic. I
wish I could be justÖaround, instead of seating attitude riddled
idiots at the restaurant six days a week.
is it only guys that can make the dreamy drifter thing work?
||Itís so odd.
This good looking of a guy normally doesnít talk to me unless
they have to, like asking me to move forward in line, or please hit
floor number twelve in the elevator or something.
Iím just waiting for the blonde bimbo that he must be with to
suddenly appear on the beach, taking his arm with a possessive smile.
You can tell
the end of every relationship in its beginning.
Itís always been that way with me.
Every guy Iíve ever taken up with, thereís something he does
that slightly annoys me, but Iím happily overlooking it if it means I
can kiss this dude. And yet that one tiny thing eventually mushrooms into
something enormous that sinks the whole ship, whether itís two days or
two years from now. And
Iím looking at Ethan, what is it?
Whatís the end? And
I donít see anything. Heís
quiet, but thatís nothing to hang a man with.
Whereís the end? Is
there a beginning behind those dark dark eyes?
ďYou wanna get out of here?Ē he says with a smile, ďItís
kinda noisy.Ē A huge
scissor-zag of lightning lights up his eyes.
You have got to be kidding me.