<Previous...       Next...>

March 12, 2001

The Kundalini Yoga teacher at my gym is quite the hottie and frankly, that’s a little intimidating.  He keeps telling us to close our eyes and focus on the third eye point, “Let your thoughts go.  Don’t attach yourself to them.”  He says.  I’d like to attach myself to him.  No, no, that’s not what this class is supposed to be about.  This class is supposed to be about centering yourself, about balancing your energy field.  About opening the heart chakras, I’d like to open myself to him.  STOP it!  Oh my God.  I mean, honestly, could you even date a yoga teacher?  I mean, he’s probably into barley and wheatgrass juice.  He can probably smell the double cheeseburger I had a week ago.  C'mon, he’s the YOGA guy.  I mean, he was showing us the breath of fire move, and watching his stomach just…pulsate like that.  I mean…wow.  You know that whole story about Sting and yoga and the seven hour tantric sex session.  Sex with a yoga instructor.

  If that’s not intimidating, then what is?  I mean, I could be there in bed with him and I’d just be thinking “I’m not doing the breath of fire right.” Do Yoga instructors even have sex?  Does it fit in with the chakras and wheatgrass juice?  I asked Ashley, answerer of odd questions, and she says they have healthy sex.  "You know, where it's all about worshipping the divine being within each of us."  What does that mean?  "Means they don't go down on you."  Oh.  Well.  I'll just stare at his undulating torso and dream.  Every girl should have a Kundalini instructor to dream about.