innocent, so carefree, so forget the fact you have to go to college in
two months and figure out the rest of your life.
Itís summer, itís hot, itís midnight, and youíre on a
picnic table with a guy in your arms.
Sometimes we actually were indoors, and Iíd watch him walk
around my bedroom in his shorts and no shirt.
Restless and easy. Full
of possibility. Full of
promise. Full of hope.
If I could
freeze on that moment, if I could end life as we know it on that one
image. Me lying in bed,
he's staring out the window, his back to me then half turning to look at
me, right before he asks me what movie should we see tonight.
If we could just stop there, before we go to the movie, before
the summer ends, before we leave for different colleges and I never see
him again. Before the crap
of this is your entrance into adulthood, this is your college degree,
this is how meaningless it is, here are your new concerns for the
future, figuring out HMOs, 401K plans, and car payments.
If the whole
world stopped right there and plunged into some black hole into the
universe, and the last thing I saw before I froze in the inky darkness
would be his half smile over that eighteen year old shoulder, everything
would be perfect. But back
in the Ninth Circle of Hell, this particular eighteen year old torso
buys his set of screwdrivers and heads out the door.
And I stand there with my cheap bathroom towels and one impatient
clerk named Yolanda, and wonder how Iíll ever be able to sleep through
another summer night alone.