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February 27, 2001

You know, you see a boy moping around cause he's heartsick and you think to yourself I'd like to see the woman who did that to him.  And then the next thought is I wish I could do something like that to somebody.  Not purposefully break someone's heart, but that somebody could look that woeful and that gorgeous and all he's doing is thinking of me.  Like Leonardo Dicaprio in Romeo & Juliet, wandering around on a beach in a tuxedo jacket, smoking a ciggie, and it's all over a girl.

  In college I had crushes on the most beautiful boys.  Really ethereal Shakespeare types.  And they always ignored me, which was fine. I just assumed I was ugly.  But then they'd fall hopelessly in love with some Louise Brooke wannabe from the art department and I'd get SO pissed off.  Hey, I'm ugly too, damitt!  Why didn't you wanna date me!?!  

And does the ugly girl really know what a catch she's getting?  No, the ugly girl has been transformed by the redeeming power of love, and she thinks she's beautiful, because he loves her.  I want to be transformed by the redeeming power of love.  I'm ugly enough to qualify.  Send me my ethereal Leonardo on the beach with a ciggie pronto, please.